You stand on the edge of a building looking at the sun setting and the wind gently caressing your face.
"Why me?"
You look at the red sky as you begin questioning.
"I do not know"
You hear the clouds whisper
"[[Jump]]", you hear an evil voice yell inside your head.
You look at the sun glowing red in all its glory.
"I can't, I can't" your mind whispers.
"Why, what's stopping you?"
"I can't hurt any more people."
"Well, I don't think you'll be hurting anyone."
"How would you know, you'd rather cause people more pain than help them"
"Well, if you look at it in a way, your pain would end."
"But I'd be leaving more pain behind"
"You coward!"
"Yes, I am"
"You're so incompetent that you can't even end it"
"Yeah, I am. I'd rather not cause anyone any more pain."
"What have those fools done for you?"
"They've cared for me and helped me become who I am today"
"Aha, they're to blame for what's happening to you."
"Nope, that's all on me"
"So why not end you and all the problems."
"I have a part to play, no matter how much pain I feel or how incompetent I might feel."
"Maybe someone looks up to me"
"Who would look up to such trash?"
"I have no clue, but I can guarantee that I'm not trash" you breathe "I am wonderfully and fearfully made"
"Heh, quoting scriptures ain't going to help you"
"It is, you doubt the power it has"
"You believe quoting scripture will help, yet here we are. You believe that he'll come help you through all this if you had faith. But where is he? I don't see him anywhere."
"He is here"
"If he was, won't he take all the problems away if he wished? What kind of father likes to put his children through trouble?"
You begin hesitating, unable to find words to counter, and you hesitate for a bit.
The voice replies "Heh, I knew you'd hesitate"
You breathing becomes heavier as you begin believing the words spoken to you.
"That's it, breath it all in. Breath all that fear in and take a leap."
You look at the sky one last time hoping for a miracle as your heart whispers "[[Help]]"
The wind blows hard which pushes you back to safety and the rays of sunlight shine of your face as another voice gently whispers “I’m here child."
"You came?"
"Why wouldn't I? What kind of a father would I be if I didn't care?"
"But he said you don't care?"
You feel a gentle warm hug hold you and you begin crying as the gravity of the decision you were about to make hits you.
"It's okay son, I'm here." whispers the voice.
"But I doubted you."
"It is human to doubt my son, but that doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that you fought valiantly"
"How, I was about to jump. If anything, I should be dead because I was testing you."
"I knew you wouldn't, after all I created you".
The evil voice comes back and whispers "sinner".
"Don't listen to him my son I love you more than all that. I forgive you."
"Don't let me go" you keep whispering and fall asleep.
You choose to stay behind under the cool shade as you notice some of your classmates run around on the ground in front of you.
"Alright then, I'm going to leave" says your friend sitting next to you.
As your friend leaves you notice your heart shout.
"Let's go and run around with them"
Suddenly you hear another voice that says
"Why bother? They're going to make fun of you. Just keep sitting here as staring at them"
"But how will that help me?" you ask
"YOU'LL SEE, you'll see soon enough" that voice chuckles
As soon as the other voice finishes saying that you notice your bullies walking towards you.
You:
[[Get up]]
[[Keep sitting]]
"Not today" you tell your heart
You get up and as you begin to leave your heart replies
"If not now, then when?"
You walk back to your classroom, pondering about what your heart said. As you walk through the crowd of students rushing to the playground to have their lunch, you notice all of them all cheerful and laughing.
"Why must I be alone always?" you ask yourself
"I don't know" your heart replies.
You look down at your feet as you walk so that you wouldn't have to see all the other children happy.
When suddenly you hear a voice behind you
"Where you going, fatso?"
Something about that voice seems recognizable as you turn around, you see the face of the bully you were running from.
"I saw you there outside, you really thought you could run away from me?"
You remain silent as you walk towards your class room and you let go a sign of relief when one of the bully's friends calls him.
You close your eyes and pace faster towards your class, as you enter your empty classroom you rush over to your bag pack and grab your lunchbox and slowly look around outside the class and sneak away toward the ground. You see your friend sitting on a stone wall near a garden beside the playground. You climb the wall and open your lunchbox and try to sit when suddenly you feel a push from behind you and you lose your balance and fall.
"You really thought you could hide from me?"
Tears fill your eyes as your lunch lies on the ground and your bully walks away laughing. Your friend rushes over to you and helps you.
"You [[good]]?"
But as he calls out your name the same voice comes back ever more and [[whispers]].
You keep sitting under the shade looking at the other kids run around.
"Go and run around with them" your heart says
"What's the point they'll just avoid me" you reply
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, I mean my friends do the same, how would these people be any different"
"Maybe they're different"
"I'd rather not seal with what comes after, which includes me sitting alone"
"You do know that you're never truly alone?"
"Oh, please don't start again. Do you see anyone around me?" you yell
"No, but aren't you the one pushing them away?" asks your heart
"I'd rather not deal with that humiliation again"
"So, you'd rather deal with loneliness?"
As you and your heart sit conversing under the arch, you hear the breeze again, but this time it seems to be pushing you towards the people.
"I don't want to" you whisper
And the wind begins picking up its pace, and somehow you feel someone pushing you forward until you're on your feet walking to the kids playing in front of you.
"Can I join you" you ask one of the kids
"I'm sorry, there's no space" replies one of the kids
You walk back into the building and back to your classroom and you begin cursing your heart for telling you to try.
"I'm sorry, but I never said you won't get rejected"
"I know they had space; I know they just wanted to avoid me" you yell again
"Maybe they lied, maybe they didn't. You can't just think everyone is the same"
"But they are, I know for sure they are lying" you say
As you keep walking towards your class your heart goes silent as if it stopped telling you what to do. But in the silence, you begin thinking maybe your heart was right, maybe you should give people another chance
"WAKE UP! I've been shouting for the past ten minutes" yells your mother
"I'm up, I'm up" you reply.
"Why don't you wake up earlier, by the time you generally wake up I'm already done with preparing everything. Look at the neighbour’s son, he wakes up early in the morning to help his mom"
"I'm up maa, stop yelling."
"I'm not yelling, I'm merely stating a fact." your mother says
"I know" you rub your eyes as you speak to your mother.
You try to open your eyes as the lightbulb shines in your eyes, you close them, to adjust for a bit and then get up from the bed. As you get up, your slippers aren't where you left them yesterday.
"Maaa, have you seen my slippers anywhere?"
"They must be where you put them, check again will you?" she replies
"They're not there, I checked"
"Did you check under the bed?"
"I di...... oh wait found them"
" You really ought to be a bit more responsible than this"
"Okay ma"
"I've packed your lunchbox and kept it on the table, don't forget to take it"
"I won't maa" you yell as you run around gathering your uniform to get ready
"I'm leaving, please lock the door as you leave" shouts your mum from outside the house.
You hear the school bus drive past your house and realize that you're late. After getting dressed you, sit on your bed and read your bible quickly and lock the doors before rushing out of the house with the keys. You get on your trusty bicycle, and zoom past traffic to make it to school in time.
On reaching the school you park your bike underneath a tree, ad make sure that it is locked extra tight and you rush over to your class room past all the children. Suddenly the bell rings and the entire school is silent. You enter your classroom and plonk your belongings on a bench before rushing out again as you notice that your class has left for an assembly outside. You rush outside and find your friends standing together in a line as all the students say the prayer together and sing the school anthem in unison. Then the announcements begin, they award some students for participating. As you and your classmates together stand in the blistering heat for the assembly to end, you mind begins to wander
"I wish I could get an award"
"Why do you need an award?" asks your mind
"I don't know, maybe I'll get some sort of recognition" you reply
"Maybe someday you will" says your mind
The assembly ends and everyone is guided back to their classrooms in a single file. Classes begin as soon as the bell rings and you begin dreading because you haven't completed your work for math. You begin worrying to yourself, what you'd do when the time comes. When you hear your class teacher yell
"Brandon....... Brandon..........BRANDON!"
"Present"
"Nice of you to finally answer" retorts the teacher
Your friends begin laughing and you laugh with them. The rollcall ends and your teacher begins teaching her subject. You stare at the blackboard when suddenly you hear the voice again
"Want to do something about all the people laughing?"
"What can I?" you ask
"I shall tell you in due time"
The classes continue until you hear the bell [[ring]] and you teacher asks you all to walk to the playground for a PE session.
"Yeah, let’s go" you tell your friend
"I figured" he replies smugly
On the way to the classroom, you both try to push through hordes of other students trying to get to get to the playground.
"Did you finish your math homework?" your friend asks out of the blue.
"What homewor...... Oh shit, I forgot"
"Well good lunch, the teacher seems to be after you anyway"
"I don't know why though, even when I submit stuff on time"
"Hah, you submitting stuff on time"
"Come on man, I do submit stuff on time"
"In your dreams, I'm pretty sure all the teachers complain to your mum"
"I mean that would be one downside of studying in the same school where your mother's teaching"
"Ooo.. boy, I'm glad I don't have to worry about all that" your friend replies
"Yeah"
"But I think your mum's helping you with everything. I'm pretty sure she gives you the exam questions beforehand."
"You really think so? I'm pretty sure she'd rather fail me than help me cheat"
"Oh please, I know the truth."
"Well don't you think I'd be getting better marks if I knew the questions already?" you say
"That's there" he replies
You both reach the classroom, and there's no one in sight. You both reach the classroom and there's no one in sight. As you pick up your bag to pull out your lunchbox you notice that it Isn't there.
"I forgot my lunchbox" you facepalm your forehead.
"That's alright, you can share mine" your friend says
"Thanks, I swear I kept it in my bag"
"It's alright, let’s go before the break ends"
"The usual spot?" you ask
"Yeah, comfy and not a lot of people"
While eating you notice your bully walking by and bury your head in your arms to avoid him. He walks past you and goes on his merry way.
"I really hate that guy" you tell your friend
"Well, he is hated by at least half of the people in our class".
"For good reason too" you reply
But ask you talk the bell rings and the playground slowly empties as the kids head back to their classes.
Your fiend reminds you that the next class is math and that you haven't done your homework.
"Ah well I better come up with a good excuse" you tell your friend
"You do know that the teacher is just looking for a reason to slap someone, right?
"Yeah, I better start working on the homework then"
You both enter the building as all the other kids clamour back to their classrooms. You push your way through them, trying to [[get]] to your class quickly.
"You want to get rid of him, don't you?"
"Yes" you reply
"I know you've had enough of this guy, and just want to get rid of him, and besides you’d be doing the world a huge favour."
Something seems to be welling up in your chest as it churns and turns over itself, and you feel this anger inside you that you never had. You close your eyes and watch as a black version of yourself pushes your bully off a cliff smiling at you.
The voice comes back saying "That made you happy, didn't it?"
"I don't you know you reply"
"Don't lie to yourself, I know you inside and out. I know that him being erased from existence would bring you peace"
Suddenly your heart yells at you, "No my friend, you don't want that. You don't want to hurt anyone, you're just angry."
"Yeah, I think I need to calm down" you whisper
As you begin taking deep breaths the voice whispers in your ear
"Oh, don't worry, I'll be back. Next time I'll bring something better." and the voice and the smiling figure just disappear.
Your heart yells "Don't listen to him, no matter what he says."
"He'll be back, as he said. But you have to push him out and not listen to him".
"Yeah" you whisper.
You open your eyes and pick up your lunchbox from the ground and pack it up and sit down next to your friend to catch your breath.
"Aren't you hungry?" asks your friend
"Nope" you reply
"You sure? You can have the rest of my lunch if you want"
"I'm good" you reply
You get up and begin walking to the classroom, as you begin thinking of way to exact your revenge.
"The opportunity will come; you just have to [[remember]] to take it" whispers the same voice.
"You good? My guy?"
"Yeah" you reply
"Here, you can have the rest of my lunchbox"
"Thanks, but didn't you have enough?"
"Ah don't worry about it, I've had my share"
You eat, something from his lunch box and get up and try to clean up the mess made.
"You sure you’re, okay?"
"Yeah" you brush his question off ss you close your lunch. Suddenly you notice your bully walking in a distance.
"I'll come to the classroom, don't wait for me" you tell your friend as you hand him your lunchbox.
"Oh, okay. Just don't do anything stupid" he takes it and walks back to the classroom.
You get up and you run after you bully and push him with your elbow using all you might and he falls to the ground. You begin running with all your might, scared of what you did just now. Scared that you might not make it to another day, you run away.
You run back to your classroom and notice your friend standing at the door "you do know that I could see everything right? I told you not to do anything stupid."
"I couldn't stop myself, I've had enough of that piece of shit. I hope I could end him with my bare hands"
"Fool, I know you. You wouldn't hurt a fly" he gently punches your shoulder as you walk into your classroom.
You catch your breath as your heart beats fifty miles an hour and settle down as your teacher enters the [[room]].
"He he he, that felt good. Didn't it?" you hear the voice whisper.
"Yeah" you reply
"I heard what you told your friend over there, just so you know I could make that happen." the voice says
"Nah, I was just pissed at him. I didn't mean any of that" you say
"Oh no my friend, I could feel your anger. It is what called me out" the voice says
"I agree, I was angry but it only was for a moment" you replay
"You do want this pain to end right?" questions the voice
"Yeah" you reply
"Well then, all you got to do is take the opportunity when it arises" the voice whispers is a sweet tone
"I don't know if I can"
"We all can, if we want to. Don't you want these people to stop bothering you?"
"I do, but there has to be some other way to get them to stop"
"What if I told you there isn't?"
"I don't know" you give an unsure reply
"I know when the time comes you will make the right choice, he he he."
You begin listening to your teacher and somehow the school day comes to an end and before leaving you must all stand up and thank the teacher. After all the pleasantries finish you wait for everyone to leave and then tip toe out of the class carefully, in an attempt to not bump into your bully. You walk past children sitting on the playground and see some of your friends wait for their parents but you don't stop. You get on your bicycle and rush out the school gate. You stand beneath an arch in front of an enormous building as you start at your friend standing beside you. A light breeze gently brushes past you as you notice the tall grass wave on the ground in front of you.
There are children running around and you hear the lunch bell ring when suddenly there's a moment of silence. Something seems eerie about that silence as though the entire school was moved into another dimension. But suddenly there’s a sound of a hundred steps as all the children in the building rush down with their lunchboxes. As soon as you see the doors open you push your friend out of the way and move yourself. The crowd leaves the building and the smell of homemade food reaches your nostrils and your stomach reacts.
"Wow, you sound hungry" retorts your friend as he walks towards you.
"Can't help it" you reply.
"Anyway, let's just go back, he says.
You:
[[Leave]]
[[Stay]]
You reach your classroom and rush to your bench to begin working on the homework before the teacher arrives. When suddenly you hear his footsteps, and the entire class falls silent as the teacher walks up the door and everyone greets him. But you're so focused on your homework that you forget to get up.
"You really think you're that smart to not get up and greet me?" asks the teacher.
"I'm sorry sir, I was just trying to work on my homework" you reply
"Let me see what you're working on"
You walk up to your teacher and hand him your notebook. He begins checking your work and lets out a chuckle, you chuckle with him.
"Class, this boy here thinks twelve times twelve is 1212"
As soon as they hear your mistake they all start laughing, and your teacher laughs with them.
"But sir I know I wrote the right answer"
"Oh so now you're telling me I can't see?' yells the teacher
"I didn't say that sir" you reply gently
Your teacher throws your notebook on your face and tells you to go and stand outside the classroom. You pick up your notebook and move towards your bench to keep it back.
"Excuse me, where do you think you're going?"
"I'll just head out after I put by notebook back sir"
"Didn't I make myself clear?"
"Yes sir"
You walk out of the classroom and while standing outside, you open your notebook to check your mistake but what you've written was wrong, but you know you wrote the right answer. Suddenly something begins churning in your chest and it feels as if you've ingested poison.
"You're really going to let his get away with that?" whisper the voice
"I can't do anything, if I say anything I'll loose my marks"
"How would you like to help rid the world of another asshole?" the voice says
"I don't know. I don't want to cause any problems"
"But seeing him suffer would be great won't it. Seeing him put through the same pain he put you through"
"I really wish I could hurt him, but I don't think I can"
"Well what's stopping you?"
"My mother, i don't want her to loose her job"
"But don't you think he needs to be taught a permanent lesson?"
"Just leave me in peace" you tell the voice
"Okay, but remember you just have to take the opportunity when it presents itself"
You stand outside your classroom looking at the clouds floating as time passes and the bell rings. The teachers exits the classroom and says
"Do not mess with me, your future is in my hands. Remember that."
"Yes s.....sir"
Tears run down your cheeks as the teacher leaves and you enter the classroom full of people staring and laughing at you.
"Let all that anger build up my friend, I'll help you let it out" whispers the voice.
You walk back to your bench and sit down burying you head between your arms, thinking it would stop the voices, but it didn't.
School continues and another day passes as you keep smiling despite what happened. You cycle back home and while cycling you pedal as hard and you can, but you still hear their laughs. Something bitter building up inside your chest as you keep remembering the laughs.
You mum reaches home and asks you how your day was and you let out a cry. She cooks your favorite lunch and asks you he have a bath before having lunch. As you stand under the shower, you just keep looking at the wall as water mixed with tears flows down your cheeks.
You walk out of the shower and wash your face to not let her know that you were crying. But she notices your eyes anyway and give you a big hug.
"I'm really sorry, I'll go talk to him. says your mom
"Maa I want to hurt him"
"Son, you shouldn't say things like this"
"Then what do I say maa, just because of him they all were laughing at me"
"I don't even know why I have friends anymore"
" Don't focus on all that, you have to study to get good grades"
"But ma, I can't. I don't feel like studying"
"No buts" she says
"Okay"
You finish eating and rush out for your tuitions. During the extra class, the teacher seems to be teaching but your mind is wandering somewhere else as it looks at the clouds outside. You finish up with the work and in the evening you rush back home to prepare for the next extra class. On the way back you hear all your neighborhood kids playing on the playground in front of your house.
"Let's go" your heart tells you
"I can't, I have to study" you reply
You walk back home and ask your mum whether you could skip class today and play outside with the other kids.
"No, you have to study"
"I do study ma"
"Well then get better grades and we'll think about it" she says
You storm towards your room to pack and leave the house in a hurry and head to the next tuition. You disregard all the kids playing on the playground and walk to the next class.
"You do know that you can still hear them play right?" the voice whispers
"Yeah"
"Why not just lie to your mum and go play?"
"I can't"
"Oh don't act like a saint, I know what you truly are"
"Yeah, I'm pretending that I don't lie. I know I do, I just can't lie about this."
You try to focus on your studies but all you hear is the sounds of the children playing on the ground outside. Somehow you manage to pass the time and the class finishes. But the time you head back home its already dark out ad everyone's gone home. You reach home and notice your mum talking to your dad on the phone
"Maa, I'm tired of only studying 24/7 and not being able to play anything" you tell both your dad and mum.
"Well once you get good marks, I'll think about getting you off one of the classes" your dad replies
"Hmmm...." your mum replies
You throw your bag on the sofa and walk up to your room.
"Don't you disrespect me like that young man" your mum yells
"I'm just tired of everything that's going on, I need to go play a little"
You mum repeats "Get good marks then we'll see"
You wish that you were smarter as you try your best but aren't able to study properly. but to keep all that aside you turn on your Xbox and stary playing a [[game]].
As you keep playing the game you realize that this created world seems better than the word outside.
"This world seems better than what you have to face on a daily basis." the voice whispers
"I know, but what else do I do, this is one thing that they can't take away from me" you reply
"Well, why don't you forget the real word, it's not like those assholes are adding any value to your life"
"Yeah"
"You'd enjoy here more than you could ever dream of"
You keep playing and get lost in the world that you forget to check that's its dinner time.
"Brandon......Brandon....... BRANDON!!!!" your mother yells
"WHAT!"
"Don't you talk to me like that"
"I'm sorry, I was playing a game" you reply
"I'll ask your dad and get your Xbox packed and locked in a cupboard"
"But what did I do?" you question your mother
"You don't study, you don't help around the house. YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING!!!"
"I try to study ma; I try my best to. But I just can't"
"Excuses, excuses. Did you know when we were children, we used to work around the house and study at the same time."
"I know"
"And we still scored better than you"
"I'm trying my best ma"
"I can clearly see that you aren't. All you do is play games and watch tv"
You shut the Xbox down and grab your plate of food to eat in silence, while eating you turn on the tv so that you won't have to talk to your mum. Finishing up your dinner you wash your hands and walk to your room. You pull out your books from your bag to try and revise the day's work and finish up on all the homework for the next day. You finish your work and go to sleep.
Before you go to sleep you pray that hsi routine ends and tha you get to play with your friends outside.
But the voice replies "Maybe it gets worse?"
"You don't know that" you reply
"Maybe I do"
Suddenly you hear your hear whisper "Rest"
"How can I? Don't you see everything that's happening?"
Your heart replies "I do, it is all to teach you some lessons"
"LESSONS!? What kind of lessons do you teach a child by constantly telling him to study?" you yell
"If I knew, you wouldn't be going through this in the first place"
"I hear the he reached out to you today"
"Well, he is helping me deal with stuff"
"By helping you exact revenge?"
"At least he's trying, unlike you. You went silent when I needed you the most."
"I was by your side" you hear whispers
"WHERE, WERE, YOU?????"
"Just because you could see me doesn't mean that I wasn't there"
"Oh, please don't lecture me on faith" you replay as tears start flowing
The word remember keeps echoing in your mind as you try to focus on your studies. You stare at the blackboard with a blank expression.
"Brandon, would you like to tell us the answer?" asks your teacher
"Ummm....uhhhhhh"
"Let me guess, you don't know the answer"
"Yeah" you smile
"Were you even paying attention?"
You look at the book trying to figure out what's going on when the teacher calls you.
"Brandon, would you join me outside the class for a minute?"
You get up from your desk as the other students stare at you and grumble among themselves. as you join your teacher outside, she asks
"Are you alright? I've noticed that in the past few days you've been lost. I don't know where but you seem lost."
"I don't know, I'm just a little tired mam. There's like a lot going on"
"Well, meet me after school ends so I can have a talk with your mother"
You both enter the class and you take a seat and the teacher continues teaching her lesson. The bell signalling the class's end rings and the teacher remind you to meet her in front of the staff room. You nod and take a seat, burying your head between your hands.
"Someone's gonna get shouted at today" your friend sits down next to you.
"Leave me be" you reply with a sigh
"I think you should tell her about that guy bullying you"
"Well, I might end up in a ditch or worse because of that"
"It's up to you. Anyway, I better get going"
"What period is it?"
His face becomes pale in horror when he opens his diary to check and spells 'Language 1'.
"Did you finish the homework?"
"Yeah, I spent the entire night working on it"
"That long huh"
"What can I say; not that smart" you reply
"Oh, come on man, I know the truth"
"Okay, okay. I'll tell you the whole deal."
You end up telling your friend everything that's been bothering you and almost end up on the verge of crying.
"This is what I've been facing"
"That.... uhhh. Is honestly a lot"
"Did you tell anyone?"
"I mean how can I, that dude might just ends up beating me up worse than before"
"How long do you plan to keep doing this?"
"I don't know" you reply